Elul 16, 5768

Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;
have mercy on me, answer me.
In your behalf my heart says:
"Seek my face!"
O Lord, I seek your face."
Psalms 27:7-8.

In Judaism some prayers, such as the Shema, should always be uttered aloud, and other prayer is silent, internal, like the silent Amidah in services. It is not for G-d's ears that prayer is aloud, but our own -- it focuses our own attention on our words, our plea, on our reaching out to touch the source of power, the divine.

One of the traditions of Judaism is that in the beginning G-d created the universe as a material container into which divine light and spirit were poured; but the material container could not contain the G-d's infinite divinity, and ruptured in a great cataclysm, creating the dispersed universe of space and matter that we know. But G-d's light and divinity clung to the shattered shards of the universe. Every molecule, every bit of matter in the Universe (including living beings) carry within the spark of divinity.

Our prayer goes out through that spark of the divine within us, and the answer comes back to us from that spark within. Notice how the Psalm says "In your behalf my heart says..." G-d speaks to us through our own heart, and through the hearts of others that carry that divine spark.

I think that there is no question that G-d hears us and has answers for us. What is questionable is whether or not we can hear that response that vibrates in all of nature, in all the people around us, and in ourselves. We seek G-d's face, yet it is all around us, just waiting to be recognized. Prayer is an opportunity to draw upon the power of the divine that will help us see and recognize G-d's face in all it's manifestations.

Elul 14, 5768

Now is my head high
over my enemies roundabout;
I sacrifice in His tent with shouts of joy,
singing and chanting a hymn to the Lord.
Psalm 27:6

Today's verse from Psalm 27 reminds me immediately of one of my favorite books -- not just in childhood -- Pollyanna. Pollyanna's father (dead before the story begins) was a minister who emphasized the "rejoicing texts" of the Bible -- the ones that say "shout for joy," "rejoice greatly," "be glad in the Lord, " and so forth. Pollyanna tells the local minister (a troubled man) that once when feeling low her father counted all the rejoicing texts and found more than eight hundred of them. Pollyanna's recounts that her father said "if God took the trouble to tell us eight hundred times to be glad and rejoice, He must want us to do it -- some."

The book Pollyanna was first published in 1912. In the decades that followed through the first World War and the great depression, the book continued to be extraordinarily popular with both adults and children. However, the word "pollyanna" came to be used by many during those decades as an pejorative label to describe someone who was blind to reality, living in an impossible dream world in which every thing had a silver lining.

Nonetheless, I still find this book whose charming heroine unself-consciously transforms those around her through her postive outlook to be refreshing and inspiring.

And I will sing and chant a hymn to the Lord.

One Single Impression -- Seeds

Seeds

What dark fruit will grow
from mountains stripped bare of green
chasing the black fire?

sgreerpitt
12 September 2008

Photo is of mountain top removal strip mine less than half mile from my home in Letcher County Kentucky.

View other poems on the "Seed" prompt beginning Sunday September 14, at One Single Impression

Elul 12, 5768

"He will shelter me in His pavilion
on an evil day,
grant me the protection of His tent,
raise me high upon a rock."
Psalm 27:5

Judaism is a religion that allows for a wide range of personal interpretations of Torah and G-d. Indeed alternative interpretations are enshrined in the Jewish tradition through the Talmud and Mishnah, which record and pass down the debates of Rabbi's and scholars through the ages. Every issues is discussed and argued, and all the points of view are recorded for Jewish posterity. In Judaism "orthodoxy" is not orthodox belief but orthodox practice.

In my personal view, G-d initiated a universe designed to evolve and give rise ultimately to creatures of self-awareness, self-consciousness and free will (we humans being the only example of which we are currently aware, but that does not preclude others else where in G-d's universe). Such a G-d in such a universe does not intervene in the unfolding of events that result from the choices of free-will. But for those willing to open their hearts and minds, willing to reach out to the divine power of the universe, G-d provides shelter in which we can rest from the storm, gaining strength and courage. The divine power of the universe is found in the principles of nature, including basic principles that underlie human interactions, seeking that power and those principles, is seeking the rock or foundation on which the world stands.

In my personal view there is more than one path to achieve this shelter and find this rock. For me the path is through the Jewish scriptures and traditional practices and prayers. But I see my husband finding the same thing in a different way through the Buddhist scriptures and the practice of Buddhist meditation. He also finds the sheltering tent and the rock on which all is built.

remembrance

Today is a day of remembrance in America.

I watched the memorial services at the Pentagon, shown in their entirety without commentary on C-SPAN. Beautiful, moving, somber, sad, yet hopeful, forward looking. The names were read, a bell was tolled. A military choir sang original songs. The high point -- a single bagpipe player providing the mournful strains of "Amazing Grace."

I feel sorry for brother, Frank. September 11 is his birthday, which is now forever overshadowed by tragedy.

Elul 11, 5768

"Who has achieved complete t'shuvah? A person who confronts the same situation in which he sinned and abstains, although that person has the potential to commit the sin again."
Moses Maimonides, Laws of Repentance 2:11

The word that comes to my mind as I read this prompt for contemplation is "persistence." T'shuvah requires more than acknowledgement and repentance, it requires persistence in making changes. However, I am struck by the thought that change to a life lived fully in G-d's house, in harmony with G-d, is about just as much about developing positive actions and habits as it is about ending negative actions.

This view about nurturing positive habits is very central to Judaism. Of the 613 mitzvot of the Torah nearly a third are affirmative commandments: "To know G-d exists;" "To love G-d;" "To honor the old and the wise;" "To learn Torah and to teach it;" "To affix the mezuzah to the doorposts and gates of your house;" "To read the Shema in the morning and at night;" "To leave the gleanings for the poor;" "To give charity according to one's means;" "To love the stranger;" "To honor father and mother," and many, many more.

Persistence means coming back again after a slip or a lapse; not using the lapse as an excuse to say, oh well, I messed up I may as well not bother. This is one of my failings. It is easier to keep commitments to change when we involve others in our decisions and activities -- even if the others are just out there on the Internet.

I missed yesterday, Elul 10, the workload piled up, and I did not take time for contemplation, prayer and writing. In my past tries at this practice missing a day inevitably meant stopping altogether. But I made a commitment to a larger audience (even if you are a small one) as well as a commitment to myself. So persist I will.

Involving others to help us persist, is one reason why Jews engage in group repentance at Yom Kippur. We all, communally and publicly admit to the entire range of human sins and promise to make amends and change in the coming year. The confessional prayer Ashamnu, in my Conservative/Reform synagogue is recited in both English and Hebrew. I prefer the Hebrew, it is both beautiful and solemn and intensely meaningful. The cantor sings the first line (Ashamnu or "We have trespassed") and the congregation sings the same line back; and then the pattern repeats, cantor then congregation through the entire litany of sins.

So in this coming new year I seek persistence, to return when I stumble to the path of persistence in both the affirmative actions and avoidance of negative actions.

Elul 9, 5768

One thing I ask of the Lord
only that do I seek;
to live in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord,
to frequent His temple.
Psalm 27:4

The amazing thing is that this wish has already been granted for all of us, for the universe is the house of the Lord, the temple of G-d; the plants, animals and people the inhabitants of that house. All we need do is open our eyes, our ears and our hearts to sense G-d all around us.

The problem is that so much of the time, the business of daily life, the buzz of work, school, chores, shopping, daily worries, fills our senses and hearts and blocks our awareness.

I feel lucky that I live in the country, where the world is still and green, and it is easier to sense the divine. But some times listening is scary, because it makes me aware of how far I need to go to be the kind of person I really want to be. So its easier many days to just turn on the TV and bury the senses in white noise. This year I resolve to spend more time just being in the world, to stretch out my senses for that touch from G-d.

Elul 8, 5768

The high holy days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are about T'shuvah -- repentence -- with the attendant promise of renewal and return that true repentance promises.

The medieval philosopher Moses Maimonides wrote that there are three stages of t'shuvah: regret, rejection, and resolution. Today's meditation prompt is from Maimonides' Laws of Repentence 1:1.

"How does one acknowledge sin? One says: I implore you G-d..., Behold, I regret [what I did] and am embarrassed by my deeds. I promise never to repeat this act again."

This does not refer to being embarrassed in front of people -- whether one's family, one's friends, one's coworker -- but embarrassed before God, and before our own inner spark of the divine.
To be embarrassed on has to be aware, to be conscious, to notice error when it occurs. One has to own one's faults.

I have frequently found that it is easier to recognize my past faults, my sins of years gone by, than it is to recognize those of the present moment. But I have been working on this.

Less than rational fears--fears of someone else gaining control over me or my work, of someone else exerting dominance or taking away my ability to make decision, provoke me at times to retaliate or even make preemptive attacks with criticism and complaints.

I am noticing that I am becoming embarrassed (in the sense Maimonides meant) more often and more quickly. Sometimes quickly enough to stay actions that I will regret, but not always. Not always quickly enough to prevent me from sending that rude or critical e-mail, or prevent me from making the hurtful retort, but at least to acknowledge, admit my fault and make amends when possible instead of hanging on (sometimes for years) to my self-justifications and rationalizations.

I read in a blog recently about one family's tradition of "the groundhog" do-over. They got the idea from the movie "Groundhog Day." In this family, when there is something that goes wrong, when someone does something that is unacceptable or offends other family members, and they immediate proclaim a "groundhog" and start over, and do it right. Say, that mom is tired at the end of the work day, and when son comes into the kitchen to inquire about dinner she snaps at him impatiently. Rather than allowing him to slink off hurt, and her to simmer, then regret later what she said, she immediately announces a "groundhog" and has her son replay his entry into the kitchen. Then she greets him the way she feels she should have in the first place. This family discovered that after a while, it became less and less necessary to declare a "groundhog" because they learned to think before speaking and acting and not do or say things that needed amends.

I tried doing a "groundhog" once with my husband, but it seemed awkward and forced -- and I think John thought I was nuts. So instead I'm trying to apply the general principle instead of literally using the technique -- which I think is recognizing and confronting when one has erred, and making amends as soon as possible. I have a long way to go, but I think I'm on the road...

things over which we have no control

I took a break from grading essays today to take Miss Minnie kitty to the vet. She has twice previously had cancerous lumps removed from her breasts, and now has two more. After a thorough exam, the vet thinks that the cancer has moved beyond the breasts into the lymph nodes, which are now swollen and hard. After much discussion, we have decided that further surgery will not change the course of the disease now, and will only weaken her. She is not a young cat -- at least 13 years old -- and frail in many ways. So our plan is to make her comfortable for as long as she continues to show an interest in food and life, and then ease her way out when life gets to hard for her.

Miss Minnie entered our lives in January 1996. We saw this little rag of a black cat running with an obvious broken back leg through the snow. She was holed up under an old, unused bridge over the creek near our condo. It took more than a week of putting out food before we could capture her, and get her to the vet. The vet was astounded that she'd been mobile at all given that her back leg was broken clean through just below the hip. It required multiple surgeries and metal pins to put Miss Minnie to rights. After all the x-rays and surgeries were completed, but while her leg still had its pin, we discovered she was pregnant. The only reasonable thing to do given her poor health was to do spay/abortion. Most of the fetuses were deformed due to the x-rays.

It was late enough in Miss Minnie's pregnancy that her hormone levels signalled to her that she had given birth. She looked around for kittens to protect, and found John and I. She treated us like her kittens. She would groom us, sit on our laps and defend us against the approaches of our other 9 cats, and attempt to herd us away from danger (like the top of the stairs). She was a fierce and protective mother to us. Ultimately the hormones faded and after several months, Miss Minnie settled in as a regular member of our human/cat family.

Elul 7, 5768

The last month of the Hebrew year 5768 is Elul, and today is the seventh day of the month of Elul. Spiritually Elul is significant because it leads up to the holiest moments of the Jewish year, Rosh Hashanah (New Years) on the first of Tishrei and Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement) on the tenth of Tishrei.

Eleven years ago I purchased a guided journal for meditation and reflection during Elul and the first ten days of Tishrei. I've begun that journal three times in the past 11 years, generally running out of steam after 7 to 10 days into the project. This year, I'm going to try to work through the project, using my blog.
In Judaism faith and practices are inextricably intertwined. One important expression of that in Judaism is tikkun olam -- the obligation to engage in repairing the world, making it a better place. Faith and practices are mutually reinforcing, through practice we renew faith.

There are many kinds of practice, some focused inwardly heshbon hanefesh to make an accounting of the soul and prepare us for the outward practice. It is this type of practice we focus on in Elul.

During Elul it is traditional to recite and consider Psalm 27.

The Lord is my light and my help;
whom should I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life,
whom should I dread?
Psalm 27:1
note: all quotes are from the TANAK translated and published by The Jewish Publication Society in 1999 (5759).

My greatest failing and weakness in life is allowing myself to be governed by fear --fear of others, fear of loss of control, fear of fear itself. (See poem in previous post). My fear of being controlled by others, often leads me into hostile and manipulative behaviors. The paradox is that when I act this way, I am not acting freely, but rather am being controlled by my fear.

I foolishly thought that once I got tenure and had security in my livelihood that my fear reactions would subside. But fear had become a habit, a habit that I need to work to eradicate.

One Single Impression -- Defenses Down

This poem was originally written in April 1989 towards the end of two years of intensive psychotherapy, during which I learned that what created most of my problems in life was attempting to control the uncontrollable. This weeks prompt reminded me of the poem, and I reworked it substantially without changing the basic concept. This weeks phrase "Defenses Down" is a better title than the original was.
To view poems by other writers on this topic see One Single Impression.


Defenses Down

Everything is going wrong.
The walls are closing in.
Wait. Stop. Start again.
Things are fine, but that might change,
So I am building walls.
I think I’m closing out the fear –
the raging beast engulfs, devours.
So build walls strong and high,
And don’t forget the battlements.
A reinforcement needed here;
Send archers to protect that breech.
What if fear tunnels under walls?
Or learns to fly? What defense then?
Hire on some engineers, draw new plans,
make a list?
Or, perhaps, I’ll let the fortress melt
And on the open, level plain,
I’ll court my fear—
not safe, not tamed,
but understood—
and practice dancing with the beast.

sgreerpitt
revised 6 September 2008

The photography is of a dry stack stone wall dating to before the Civil War on Paris Pike in Lexington, Kentucky. Many such walls are found in the horse farm region of central Kentucky. The photograph was taken by Kentucky Transportation Cabinet and can be found at http://www.contextsensitivesolutions.org/content/case_studies/kentucky_paris/#

ruminations

Recently through the wonder of Netflix we started watching the original 1975-1976 Saturday Night Live episodes -- episodes that I watched live while in graduate school. They are as entertaining as I remember them, and the humor still works after all these years. One staple of those early shows was fake commercials. Don't know if Saturday Night Live still does that, because my days of staying up past 11:00 PM are long gone.

In the very first show ever aired, there was one fake commercial that absolutely fascinated me. It was a parody of a razor commercial seen frequently at the time. The first double bladed safety razor, the TracII made by Gillette first went on the market in 1971, and was followed by many imitations in the next few years. One of the real commercials -- probably for the TracII itself showed an animated image of how the first blade in the razor lifted the hair and allowed the second blade to cut the hair closer to the skin. The fake Saturday Night Live commercial made fun of the whole idea of the need for two blades by carrying the image to ridiculous extremes (or at least they thought at the time was ridiculous extremes) -- the fake commercial featured a three bladed razor!

Imagine what the Saturday Night Live comedy writers of 1975 would make of today's five bladed razors!!

not yet a meme 3

As both a sociologist and a college teacher, I think its important to be aware of social trends and fads. A blogger I like to read (Geek Mom Mashup) mentioned her obsession with a series of books she called the Twilight saga, and that a movie was being made of the first book in the series.
Pretty soon I started seeing references to the books and movie everywhere. I also enjoyed an television interview that the author, Stephanie Meyer gave. So despite the fact that I'm not generally a fan of romances, especially teenage romances (at least not since I was a teenager), and I'm not really a fan of vampire books (that's something my husband likes), I decided it was necessary to at least see what all the fuss was about. So last Friday, when I made one of my extremely rare trips to the nearest mall (more than a 4 hour round trip drive), I stopped in the bookstore, where the first thing to catch one's eye was a huge display of the books with their compelling black/white/red covers, and purchased the first book in the series Twilight.

By the end of the second chapter I knew why the books are such a hint -- Stephanie Meyer is a good writer. The character of Bella is compelling and complex, she is extremely self-aware in some ways, but utterly clueless in others. Meyer knows how to reveal things little by little, in ways that are subtle and draw you in. Unlike some other adult bloggers I didn't find the book at all slow going, I liked the character development, and trying to puzzle out the dynamics of Bella's family life. It makes it easier to understand why she makes the choices that she makes. It's a fun read!

One Single Impression -- Resolve

"One Single Impression": this week's prompt was "Resolve."
My poem:


Good luck with that!

We demand an explanation,
the definitive, final, this-time-it’s-right answer,
a resolution to all our concerns
an unraveling of the mysteries.
We want “just the facts m’am,”
tied up in a neat conclusion,
none of this scientific uncertainty.
No preponderance of evidence,
no ninety-five percent confidence,
we want proof.
We want things cleared up,
to get to the bottom of it all,
we want it resolved!

Good luck with that.

August 23, 2008
sgreerpitt