The temperature and wind foreshadowed rain, which came pouring down in sheets within moments after a morning walk with Rosie dog.
Today is the day, that our new double-wide house is suppose to be delivered--having signed away our financial life for the next twenty years yesterday. Neither of us could sleep much last night. Anxiety and anticipation mixed in equal amount. Much to be excited about, much to be grateful for, yet there are worries, too.
This is necessary. The old house is becoming unlivable (toilets that don't work properly, plumbing that springs major leaks every six months or so, floors that are rotting with more and more holes covered with temporary boards, major ceiling leaks, an oven that stopped working, an old furnace on its last legs), but experts say that renovation is not appropriate, given that the house was improperly installed more than 30 years over an open 2 to 3 foot pit where a lake of water sits most of the year.
We are excited about a new house, where everything works, and cold drafts don't sift through every room. But we've become accustomed to life without a house payment in the last couple of years, and suddenly taking on new payments, significantly higher than the old ones has us scared. It's been so many years (4 now) since the community college faculty and staff have had any raises. It's hard to imagine that they will ever come again. Thus, anxiety tempers the elation of something new.
Life is so fragile. Within the past months, several of my friends, students and former students have lost a spouse suddenly in devastating events (homicide, drunk driver accidents, work accidents). By comparison our anxiety over the financial burdens of a new house seem trivial--and so we will muddle on through I'm sure, and nights of good sleep will ultimately return.
Footers in the rain (10 AM)